Who and What defines You? What makes you, You? If I say you are something, are you that thing? Who decides if you are or not? Me? You?
In this modern world, we are drowning in information. So many messages and lots of voices. Today, almost everyone is entitled to what he/she believes in almost anything. Sometimes we wander and lose ourselves amid this great confusion. That is why sometimes we need a reminder of who we are and what we stand for to keep ourselves grounded.
In this episode, Heather talks about who and what really defines you. So sit back, relax, and savor this one as she drops major nuggets of wisdom about life, judgment and opinions, and your sense of self.
Enjoy Episode 108!
Soul Stirring Quotes:
“I think we have an opportunity of doing the inner work of really noticing when we are allowing external things, whether that thing is a person, a place, a thing, a system, it doesn’t matter, external things to define who we are.”
“I actually believe that the degree to which an individual allows themself to be defined by external sources is positively correlated with how much anxiety they feel, how much stress they feel, how scared they are, how fearful they are to speak their truth, how scared they are or fearful or trepidatious they are to be seen, to be heard, to be known in their I-ness.”
“To what extent are you allowing the judgment of another person to censor you?”
“It’s not acceptable for you to silence yourself. That’s not fair to you and you also rob the world of an opportunity to hear your unique perspective.”
“We need to do more than just passively exist in the world.”
“Everybody has a right to make those decisions and hold those beliefs for themselves.”
“When you know who you are and when you know what you stand for and when you are sure of yourself, you’re clear on your yes and your no and where you are, there’s no charge. It doesn’t bother you to speak your truth. It doesn’t bother you to stand up. It doesn’t bother you to be judged. It doesn’t bother you to be criticized. You’re not worried about what people think of you because you know what you think of you. And that’s the work. When you reclaim your own sovereign right to your own lived experience, your own worldview, your own beliefs system, your own right to define who you are, while simultaneously understanding that other people have judgments and perceptions of you and being able to validate from your perspective erroneous judgments and perceptions, life gets a lot easier.”
“I see this soul within. I recognize your right to feel how you feel.”
“I am allowed to have my own thoughts and hold them just as sacred and honor them as much as I feel that way about you.”
“It’s loving yourself and seeing yourself as you do other people. Holding yourself and your own opinion of yourself in high esteem and regard.”
“I believe that we return to mental and emotional and spiritual and physical equilibrium and wellness and wholeness within ourselves when we start looking in the mirror and saying, you know what, what I think about you is what is going to rule the day here.”
“It’s not about not listening to other people and it’s not about narcissistically only listening to ourselves. It’s about doing both. It’s about caring about how other people feel and how other people see the world and also how you see yourself.”
“I want to encourage you and inspire you to return to giving the world who you, not only who you are in this moment, but also the heights of who you are destined to become.”
00:27 Living in this modern world
01:35 How to balance your perspective and your sense of being
03:07 The ultimate nugget of this episode
04:17 A little self-examination
06:26 Heather shares a personal experience
10:07 When you know who you are…life gets a lot easier
13:00 A couple of questions for self-assessment
16:37 Wrapping up
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Welcome to the everyday intuitive podcast. I’m your host, Heather, Alice Shea intuitive life coach trainer status quo, shaker and founder of Atmana coaching academy. Listen in each week to break up with your comfort zone claim your self confidence and radically embrace your role as an intuitive healer mentor and sought after coach let’s get within and get after it.
Today on the show, we are talking about who and what you allow to define you. We live in a world today of more and more and more information and opinions and perspectives than ever before. We’ve never seen anything like this in the modern. And I don’t really think this is very conducive to our mental or our emotional health.
If we don’t approach these subjects with a lot of presence and awareness. so one of the things I’m noticing in the world right now is this incredible fear that people have of being judged, of being canceled of being come for. Right? The last thing we want is to have an individual, whether it’s a stranger or someone we love misunderstand us, not see the good intentions that we have not understand the.
Well, meaning and well intentioned perspective that we are holding. If you are listening to this show, I am sure that you are a person who deeply wants to dedicate your life to the illumination, the healing and the Ascension of not only yourself and not only the people you care about, but all people that’s what makes you an intuitive, right?
That’s what it is to be an awaken soul. But how do we balance this with still maintaining our own perspective and having a sense of honest. Being in your yes. Being in your, no being in your held yes. Being in your hell, no understanding where it is you start and another person begins. And while also honoring the knowing that everything is one that we’re all connected.
Right. And so what I’m noticing is a healthy ego and a strong sense of self. is really imperative in the world right now, because we’ve never been more exposed to so many different ideas and belief systems and thought patterns and emotions and ways of being we’re getting lost. We are getting lost. We are losing who we are in.
Massive anything goes container. Right? And so I don’t think the solution to this is to, you know, stop going on Instagram or stop talking to people or to try to make your world smaller. Absolutely not. The world is what it is. Right. We’ve gotta engage with it as it is and accept it as it is. And I think the remedy for this is to spend a little bit of time thinking about who or what we allow to define us.
And I’m gonna give you the nugget here. If you take nothing else out of this episode, it’s this, we have to do the inner work. I think we have an opportunity of doing the inner work of really noticing when we are allowing external things. Whether that thing is a person, a place, a I think a system, it doesn’t matter external things to define who we.
that is the red zone, the danger zone, right? That’s when we’re cutting into the quick, where we’re a grinding metal, right? When we allow something outside of us to define who we are. And I actually believe that the degree to which an individual allows themself to be defined by external sources is positively correlated with how much anxiety they feel, how much stress they feel.
How scared they are, how fearful they are to speak their truth, how scared they are or fearful or trepidacious they are to be seen to be heard to be node in their Inness. I really believe that I’m starting to see more and more and more to see that more clearly. So I invite you to think about that for a moment.
Maybe just do a little self examination. If you’ve ever been scared to speak your truth. If you’ve ever been scared to show up and boldly share your perspective and the world, as you see it compassionately, of course, you know, you do this with compassion. If you’ve ever been afraid of that, maybe there’s a connection there for you.
To what extent are you allowing the judgment of another person to censor you let’s say that you step forward and you say so. Deeply controversial, maybe, you know, politically incorrect, you know, maybe you hold a belief contrary to the mainstream. It’s very easy to do nowadays. And the insanity that is our world.
um, maybe you hold an opinion. That’s different than that, right? Why do we keep ourselves silent? Who is silencing? I think a big reason why we don’t show up more fully and why so many light workers right now are scared to be seen and heard is because we don’t want to operate from a fault self. We really don’t want to show up inauthentically.
You want to give the truth of who you are to the world. You want to speak your truth, and if you’re not gonna speak the truth, you’d rather remain silent. I think that’s a beautiful admirable quality, but it’s still a form of self betrayal. Isn’t. because we need to do more than just passively exist in the world.
It’s not acceptable for you to silence yourself. That’s not fair to you. And you also Rob the world of an opportunity to hear your unique perspective, right? Even if we deeply disagree, even if we’re vehemently, you know, at odds with each other, in terms of belief, systems and worldview, you still have a right to share that with other people and give them an opportunity to hear you right.
To hear something. so the degree to which we are allowing that external source to tell us who we are is the degree to which we’re going to stay silent. It’s the degree to which we’re going to stay invisible. Right? I’ll give you an example. I’ll share a really, a really quick story. I have members of my family that are, that happen to be gay.
these are people I love very, very much and I was expressing opinions about, you know, some of the aspects of what is going on in our world today with respect to, you know, the LGBTQ I movement the trans movement. I was just expressing some of my, um, thoughts on this and the person that I was speaking to vehemently dis disagreed with my perspective, which.
Ferociously advocate for their right to totally disagree with me. I respect a person’s disagreement as much as I ex respect a person agreeing with me. Right. So it doesn’t bother me at all that they disagree like, shit. That’s why I’m having the conversation with you is hopefully I’m gonna learn something from your differing opinion.
Right. But instead of just sharing their perspective back, like, Hey, I disagree. This is how I see it. The person descended into calling me and transphobic. My response to this was, well, first of all, I had to hold back a, a chuckle because I didn’t want to appear insensitive or like I wasn’t taking, you know, their comments seriously, cuz I want them to feel honored, heard, and respected.
Right. And when you laugh, that’s very, very, very disrespectful. But the reason why, so I held it in. But the reason why my response was to chuckle is because I know how absurd that is. It’s absurd that I could be considered, you know, phobic of anybody in any community. Right. I, I recognize that I have a lot to learn.
You know, I’m a person who’s imperfect, but one thing I do know about myself for damn sure is that I am not homophobic. Right. And I know this because I have spent my life advocating for individuals in marginalized communities. It’s what made me wanna become a coach. Right. I’m not saying I get it right all the time.
But what I am saying is that I’m aware of it and I do. And so when this person said, ah, you’re, you know, you’re homophobic. I, it just had zero charge, absolutely zero. And the reason why is because I know who I. I know who I am. I know that I’m not homophobic and I totally validate and honor and respect and hear and receive that for that individual in their worldview, from their perspective, how they see the world, according to their belief system, that they would define me as that they would call me that they would judge me as being that.
And I recognize that. Right. And from their perspective, I validate that I’m like, cool. I hear you telling me that in your world, I’m homophobic. Okay. Awesome. Like I hear you and I receive that and that’s fine. And I validate that because that’s your perspective so, yeah, like we are all Kings and Queens of our own lived experience in worldview.
Right. Everybody has a right to make those decisions and hold those beliefs for themselves. Everyone is always constructing, like creating their reality. Right. They’re creating their reality and that’s a piece. They decided to label somebody who happens to disagree with them as homophobic. Okay, well, that is their reality.
So I can affirm that person’s reality without internalizing the label. They’re trying to throw on me so I can hear that. And I can say yes, very compassionately and also know that it’s patently ridiculous from my perspective. Right. And so I bring this story up to say, who and what are you allowing to define?
in that moment. It could have been very easy for me to go, oh my God, wait a minute. I’m not. And descend into this explanation and get defensive or maybe cry or be hurt. No, no. When you know who you are and when you know what you stand for and when you are sure of yourself, you’re clear on your yes and your no.
And where you are. There’s no charge. It doesn’t bother you to speak your truth. It doesn’t bother you to stand up. It doesn’t bother you to be judged. It doesn’t bother you to be criticized. You’re not worried about what people think of you because you know what you think of you. And that’s the work when you reclaim your own sovereign right to your own lived, experience your own worldview, your own belief.
Who your own right to define who you are while simultaneously understanding that other people have judgements and perceptions of you and being able to validate from your perspective, erroneous. Judgements and perceptions life gets a lot easier. it gets a lot easier. Right? That’s really the flow state that we’re all talking about.
It’s like, I love you. I see you. I hear you. I deeply disagree. Here’s my perspective. And I hope you can see that. I hope you can feel. The concern and the love and the honoring that I am trying to offer you as a sovereign soul in this world, transcending all of these stupid labels that we have here as human beings.
You know, I see this soul within, I recognize your right to feel how you feel. And I also being a compassionate whole. Loving person who is attempting every single day to align to her higher self. I also validate my own experience, my own opinion, my own worldview, right. I am allowed to have my own thoughts and hold them just as sacred and honor them as much as I feel that way about you.
And that’s the missing piece. It’s loving yourself and seeing yourself as you do other people, right. Holding yourself. in your own opinion of yourself in high esteem and regard. And I believe that we return to mental and emotional and spiritual and physical equilibrium and wellness and wholeness within ourselves.
When we start looking in the mirror and saying, you know, what, what I think about you is what is going to rule the day here. I’m going to stay open to other people’s feedback about how I’m presenting in the world. That’s how we learn. Okay. we are not islands and to ourselves. I think we certainly wanna stay open to how other people receive us, but where I think we are missing the mark in this Instagram scroll world is allowing other people and their life and their perspective and their voice to drown out our.
So it’s not about not listening to other people and it’s not about narcissistically only listening to ourselves, right? It’s about doing both. It’s about caring, about how other people feel and how other people see the world and also how you see yourself. So I’m gonna leave you with a couple of questions that you can ask yourself to become more clear in any one given moment about who or what you are allowing to define.
the first is who am I allowing to define me? What am I allowing to define me? Is it a person? Is it a religion? Is it a specific belief set? Maybe it’s a voice from your past. Maybe it’s your own limiting belief. Internalized limiting beliefs saying I can’t do this. I have to do that. another question you can ask yourself.
Well, if I wasn’t worried about being judged, shamed or blamed, how would I show up in the world? Different? What parts of me would shift? If I no longer had to worry about people coming for me, canceling me, criticizing me, putting me on blast, you know, whatever, how would I be different? What would you say in the world?
If you. that you would be safe in saying it. So write a list of all of those things, and then notice how often you say those things. Are you actually speaking your truth and being your authentic self in the world? So that’s a really, really, that’s a terrifyingly clarifying exercise to do, right. Because what happens is we see, oh my goodness, I’m doing a lot of self editing, a lot of self editing.
and the last question is this is kind of a belief set challenge. Do you believe that it is like, what is your fundamental belief on what is truly compassionate and kind? Do you believe that it is truly compassionate and truly kind to not tell people the truth about what you really think and how you really feel?
Do you believe that true compassion and kindness Springs from editing yourself? how do you believe that I would be, I would venture to say that you don’t believe that your belief system is probably somewhere along the lines of the more authentic and honest and truthful I am with other people and myself, the better off the world will be.
So the reason why this is a really powerful, um, question or idea to meditate on is a big reason why we self censor is we think that it’s not nice or it’s unkind or it’s compassionate. To tell people what we really think and how we really feel. And so we self edit. And what I would offer is it’s not the content of what you actually believe or think or feel it’s how we offer it.
So in other words, it’s not what you say. It’s how you say it, right? You can maintain a, a sovereign worldview deeply in alignment with your values and do so with compassion and patience and with leaving room breathing space in the conversation for another person. To have their own perspective and, and you are strong enough and capable enough when you are intrinsically centered, when you are not letting exterior sources validate you or define you.
that is when you actually become a truly compassionate person where you’re able to offer the truth of who you are to that person to let people actually see you and to allow yourself in your authentic self to see them as well. Okay. So who and what are you allowing to define you? And. I wanna encourage you and inspire you, you know, to return to giving the world who you, not only who you are in this moment, but also the Heights of who you are destined to become.
And as you do this know, as you live through this, that you live into, and through that, that principle of being sovereign in yourself, that you also are giving other people an opportunity to do the same. Thing. So that is it for this episode. I would love to hear from you in our Facebook group, the Atmana intuitive coach collective, you can pop in there, say, Hey to me.
And also over on Instagram at Heather Alice Shea, you can find me over there where I’m always drop truth bombs and intuitive wisdom until next time together, we. That is a wrap for today’s show. Thank you from the bottom of my feels for showing up today in your power and in your willingness to let your intuitive self lead.
And if you are still working your way to your first 50 to 100 K in your coaching practice, I have two incredible free resources to help you fast pass. This process, the first is to join our free and fun Facebook group. The Atmana intuitive coach collective, where myself and our om instructors do free trainings every week.
To help you turn your obstacles into opportunities with each and every step you take. So that you can begin to achieve success on your own terms and finally make the money that you know, you deserve. So if you’re interested in joining our group, just pop onto Facebook and you can search bar Atmana, intuitive coach collective, and we will pop up or you can check our show notes.
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That also helps you go high ticket. So head on over to Heatheraliceshea.com/intuitive coach launch to get your V I P ticket, or you can check the show notes where you can get your hot little hands on a link to both the Facebook group and the five day workshop until next time I see you.
I love you together. We rise.