Have you experienced arguing with someone, whether a complete stranger or someone close to you, because you have very different views about something?
If this is something you can relate to, this episode is for you!
Heather is going to share in this episode how to compassionately speak your truth. That is, you can compassionately but boldly share your beliefs without trying to offend someone or even change that someone’s beliefs. What’s more? After tuning in to this episode, you will be able to hold your beliefs and not feel the need to be validated just because someone does not have the same beliefs. You won’t be changing any person’s mind after this. In fact, after hearing Heather out, the change needed is a change in your perspective – that you can learn from someone even with the most opposite truths you value in your life.
Sit back, relax, and enjoy this episode!
Soul Stirring Quotes:
“We are responsible for our own reactions and how we show up in the space.”
“We can’t expect the person that we’re interacting with to change at all.”
“The goal in any conversation is not to change the mind of the other person. It is to share information, to share perspective, to share honestly and truthfully.”
“The point of the conversation and compassionately speaking your truth is not to be validated or understood, it’s to connect with the other person in a meaningful way.”
“It’s actually one of the most relaxing things you’ll ever do in the world is put down the weight of your own dogma to learn something from another human being.”
- 00:28 Welcome to episode 116
- 01:35 Six tips to compassionately speak your truth
- 04:43 Tip #1
- 13:33 Tip #2
- 15:29 Tip #3
- 20:51 Tip #4
- 27:40 Tip #5
- 29:02 Tip #6
- 35:11 Summing up everything we’ve talked about
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Heather Alice: Hello and welcome to another episode of the Everyday Intuitive podcast. So, today we are going to be talking about a super sensitive topic. I did a Facebook, a training in my Facebook group for our coaches who were in our intuitive life coach certification program, all about compassionately speaking our truth.
And it was such a massive hit. It turned into like this two hour training. And so I figured, oh my God, this is something I really need to bring to the show. So that is what we are gonna be diving into today. I’m gonna be talking about how to compassionately, but boldly speak your truth in 2022, when you can’t swing a cat without, you know, hitting somebody that’s offended about what it is you want to share your perspective, your truth, your beliefs, right.
We are in, just, it seems like everywhere we turn, people are a walking raw nerve when it comes to having conversations about topics that matter. And so in this episode, I’m gonna give you six tips that I have learned, you know, in my 20-year career of being on the back end of people’s lives as a mental health counselor and as an intuitive focused coach, now intuitive life coach trainer.
I have really learned what it is to hold space for people in the type of career that I have. Right. And I really think that if we just tap into, you know, the energy of what it is to be a coach, a person who really connects to other people in a deep way, that is really like if we all had this skill, I think that we would be much better off in terms of being able to have really deep, meaningful, honest, truthful conversations with people about what we actually believe and what we think and how we feel without the feelings of disrespect or being triggered or activated, you know, or contradicted any way.
So, in other words, this episode, really my goal is to help you learn the skills of letting the people that you engage with. This could be a family member, a loved one, a coworker, people with whom you have a very different belief set or worldview or ideology. Right. You know, it feels like they’re on Mars and you’re from Venus or they’re apples and you’re oranges, right. On the service level of things that appears that, you know, you’re diametrically opposed.
My goal with this episode is that you walk out with the ability to learn how to become curious and compassionate when you are listening to other people with whom you don’t understand or you don’t agree.
So let’s lay the groundwork for this episode, because this is going to be, you know, I’m gonna kind of come in hot and heavy with this.
Because really the only person you can change is yourself. And what I find when we get into these types of discussions about wanting to be understood, wanting other people to understand you, and wanting to, you know, be able to bridge the gap with whoever it is in your life you wanna have, you know, a deeper, more rich conversation with. There’s a lot of blind spots with that.
And what I’ve noticed in my own life, and I’m gonna tell you some, you know, personal stories here in this episode, is that as I look back on it, and I realize after having come over the challenges of, you know, with people who I have severe disagreement with, what I realize is like, damn, I was a big part of the problem.
So in this episode, I’m gonna ask you during our time together, I’m gonna ask you to be brave with me. I’m gonna ask you to take radical 100% blameless responsibility for your own reactions, your own thoughts, and your own feelings. Not only as you’re listening to the episode, but also the feelings that you have in relationship with a person who triggers you the most, right?
Whoever or whatever it is like, there is no end to, you know, the number of situations we can find ourself in today, where we’re listening to somebody rattle on about something that we think is absolutely, you know, not only incorrect, but it could be damaging and detrimental to the flourishing of the entire freaking planet in the human race. Right. It can go pretty darn deep.
So the first thing that we’re gonna do is realize that we are responsible for our own reactions and how we show up in the space, right? We’re at least 50% responsible, right? We’re half a part of the conversation. Another thing I’m gonna ask you to do is we go through this episode is realize that we can’t expect other people to change. We can’t expect the person that we’re interacting with to change at all. The goal in any conversation is not to change the mind of the other person. It is to share information, to share perspective, to share honestly, and truthfully, right. To connect deeply. So that’s our ground rule. The first ground rule to compassionately speaking our truth is we shift from this idea that we need to convince people of our perspective, to wanting to deeply connect with that person on a human level.
So we go from, I’m gonna convince you to, I wanna deeply connect with you. And when we approach our conversations from that lens with others, it is the miracle how fast we’re able to actually see that we really do have way more in common maybe than what we think we do.
I wanted to tell you a quick story about how I have really learned how to do this in my own personal life. So, before I tell the story, I want you to think of maybe one person in your life. It’s probably gonna be a family member, right, that you have just had a heart you’ve butt heads with. You’ve had a hard time seeing eye to eye.
So for me, it’s no secret. I, you know, talk about this a lot. My mother and I today have a beautiful relationship. I never would’ve thought in a thousand years that my mother and I would’ve ever been close. We are two very different people in terms of how we see the world.
My mother is a woman of faith. She is, you know, very religious. She is absolutely committed to, you know, one frame of reference her religious beliefs. And I was raised in an environment that was very militant. You know, this is the belief, you believe this or you’re going to hell. And that’s my mom’s belief to this day.
And I booked that so hard. I can’t even tell you how many fights we had. You know, from my perspective, it was really like the thing, the sword in the middle of our relationship. Right. I always felt like so rejected by her because I didn’t agree. I didn’t believe in her religion. And the minute that I turned 18, boy, did I stop going to church. I was over it. Right.
And so, what I learned as I got older with my mother, you know, we would just have these knockdown drag outs and really, we weren’t close at all because of this. But as I got older, my father died in 2006. And what shook me to the core with his death is it was so hard to get over it. I was very close with my father, but it terrified me because I realized as hard as it was to let him go and watch him pass, I was okay with it and I was able to heal because I knew that my dad and I had a really close relationship and it was filled with love.
And when I went into the bedroom, he died at home in the house I grew up in, in my bed, my childhood bedroom. So before, you know, the ambulance came to take his body away, I had a chance to go in and see him, you know, before, you know, after he had passed, he was already in Rigamortis and everything. Right. It was wild to be in that bedroom, you know, with him laying there dead. But as I walked into that room, the only thing I could do was smile. I walked in and I knew he would, he was gone, but I smiled because I knew that there was nothing left undone between us. We had nothing but love. We were so close.
And ironically, the hardest thing about my dad passing was that I knew in that moment, I couldn’t say that about my relationship with my mother. And so in that moment, I started working on my relationship with my mom because I was terrified to lose her, but not be able to walk into the room, knowing, you know, and knowing that day’s coming, right. Like death comes for us all, you know?
So, that really terrified me. And so I started working on my attitude towards my mother. And, you know, really trying to, I shifted from needing my mother to understand me and my perspective to deeply wanting to understand her perspective. Right. And what I found in doing this and the six tips I’m about to give you are how I got through this.
What I found in doing this is as I changed and as I stopped wanting my mom to understand me, as I stopped wanting my mom to understand my perspective, as I stopped needing her to understand why I didn’t care about the Mormon faith or why I didn’t believe that it was quote unquote, you know, the church is true, why I was, you know, felt that I had outgrown it, or I just didn’t agree with it, what I realized in this healing process with her is that I was the mirror reflection of her. I was showing up into the relationship literally doing the exact things that I was mad at my mom for doing. I was mad at her because she couldn’t see things my way.
I was mad at her because she wouldn’t listen. I was mad at her because every time I tried to share my perspective, she would come back and tell me how she felt about things. We were literally mirror opposites for one another. And so when I decided to stop engaging in that game, everything shifted. And I was so scared to stop.
What, from that, at that moment was advocating for myself. What? What am I not gonna stand up for myself? What am I not gonna declare what I believe to be true? Am I gonna still sit here and listen to all this bullshit that was forced down my throat ever since I was born that I don’t agree with that heavily damaged me as a child?
Am I gonna sit here and listen to this bullshit? You know, that’s what the small self was saying. That’s what my wound itself was saying. Right? It was, it took everything within me to table that voice and say, you know what, Heather, you, no one is attacking you. You are a grown woman now, right? This is, you can choose to show up into the space hole.
So I took, the minute that I took responsibility for the fact that I was triggered, the minute that I took responsibility for the fact that I don’t, that I am choosing to continue this pattern that I am choosing to continue to need her to validate me, to need her to listen to me, to need her to see me, to need her to understand.
Well, but if you could just understand my perspective, then you would agree with me, right. I was doing the exact same thing to her. And she was turning around going, but if you could just understand Joseph Smith, if you could just see, and it’s like, no, I don’t, I’m not going to, because I want you to see it my way.
Right. It was just this. So the minute that I realized that I am do, I am literally asking that person to do the very thing I want them to do with me, which is validate and understand me. So, that is one of our things that we have to do. One of our first tip is this, release the need to be validated, release the need to be validated and understood.
That’s the first step in compassionately speaking our truth. If you are speaking to someone and you have, and you are doing it from the lens at all of needing that person to validate you or understand you or even understand what you’re saying, right? If you are looking for that, you’re dead in the water because by definition, this person doesn’t understand and they don’t think it’s valid because they don’t agree with you.
So you have to release that need. The point of the conversation and compassionately speaking your truth is not to be validated or understood, it’s to connect with the other person in a meaningful way. That’s your goal. It’s not to be understood. It’s not to be validated. It’s not for you two to agree. It’s for you to connect and find common ground.
That’s the goal. You don’t have to agree. They don’t have to validate you. They can look at you at the end of the conversation and say, I think what you believe is batshit crazy, but I love you. That’s the goal. And you can say that too. I think what you’re saying is cuckoo for coco puffs, right? I think it’s bullshit.
So, you know, but I love you and I value you and you’re amazing. Okay. So that’s our first step. I want you to ask yourself right now, think of the person that you have a challenging time in connecting with. Are you wanting them to validate you? Are you wanting them to understand you. That is your inner work.
You have to take responsibility for the fact that you’re expecting this person to validate you against their own belief system. They’re not going to do it. And I know it’s harsh to hear, but we’re not supposed to ask people to do that. You’re wrong for asking for that, right? You might be factually right in what you’re believing but wrong, right?
Like. But wrong in wanting a person or asking a person to contradict what they believe to validate you. It’s not gonna happen. It’s not fair to ask them of that. And besides that’s not necessary. They don’t need to agree with you. What we’re looking for is connections. So that’s the first thing. The second thing is this, and this is really, really, really powerful – learning to distinguish between the truth that the person is sharing or the belief that that person is sharing with you and the person holding the belief.
I’ll give you an example. So I have a really, really good friend. And she and I doing during this whole COVID thing would have conversations and we disagree on a lot of stuff. Right. She, you know, we just have diametrically opposed, like I was totally against masking.
I think it’s absolute garbage. The research on it shows that it doesn’t work, you know, but then she, you know, she would pull out research that says it would, you know, I’m like, I believe in freedom and she’s like, yeah, but what about this social con? I mean, we would just go back and forth, right. Like back and forth.
And we would always end our conversations with like, oh my God, I love you. Thank you so much for sharing your perspective. I learned a lot in this conversation. Right. Even though I still don’t agree with you even though haven’t changed my mind one bit, but I am closer to seeing the world through your lens.
I still disagree with it, but I am starting to understand why, because of the love we have with one another, I can listen to her belief and what she thinks is true and totally hold that separate from her as a human being. So I’m loving her over here. I’m connected to her over here. I’m listening what she’s saying, and I’m trying to see it from her perspective.
Right? I may agree. She, it, I might shift the belief. I don’t know. Maybe it’s gonna change my mind. Maybe it’s not. Perhaps it will modify. You know, my belief said, I don’t know. We’ll see. But my goal is to still love this person and their beliefs in who they are as a valued divine individual are two different things.
So you have to learn to separate that. My mother is my mother. I love her. I don’t give a shit what religion she believes in. Right. She’s the important thing to me, not this conversation. The connection is more important right than the ideology or the belief. Okay. So that’s the second thing is distinguish between the belief the person holds, the belief that the person has, and then the person themselves.
The third thing. Now this is super fun. And I want you to almost like, think of yourself, like a Sherlock Holmes in these conversations you have. I want you to replace the trigger or the activation or that tendency to wanna be like, ah, to go back at ’em right. With curiosity. So the third thing is become curious about why the person believes it, believes what they believe, or thinks that they think what they think.
Right. So in other words, become curious about in what way this is true for them, from their perspective. You see a big reason why we disagree. And I learned this as a coach, right? 20 years of coaching. It’s not my job. It’s not my job to filter their belief set through my worldview, to truly understand a person.
We have to learn how to table. We have to learn how to table our own beliefs. We have to learn how to table the lens through which we see the world. In coaching, on our certification program, this is actually coaching school called bracketing. You bracket your own belief system. You br-, you literally set it aside and you say, okay, okay.
Here’s what I think and I believe, but I’m gonna put this aside for a second and I’m gonna try to see the world through your lens, through your perspective, through your belief set. And most people are terrified to do this because they are so attached to their lens. They are so attached to their beliefs that it becomes who they are.
And so they can’t set their beliefs and their perspective aside because that’s like setting themselves aside. This is why people strap bombs to the theirselves and kill people for religion. This is why people take guns and go shoot people. They, if the belief has to shift, then they’re gonna take you out because they are their beliefs.
Again, back to our last tip, learn to separate the person from the belief. So we have to develop this skill of saying, you know something, I might think that purple Oompa Loompas are the one true thing in the world. And you think orange Oompa Loompas are the one true, you know, have the truth over here.
And you know what I’m gonna do? I’m gonna pretend right now, even though I’m a purple Oompa Loompa person, I’m gonna pretend that I’m an orange Oompa Loompa person and I’m gonna get into orange Oompa Loompa world. Okay. Give me the t-shirt. Sign me up. Give me the face paint. Give me some orange pompoms. Here we go.
I’m gonna be an orange Oompa Loompa person for a little while because that doesn’t threaten my sense of identity. Because while I might have a belief set that is purple Oompa Loompa, I understand that I, myself am separate from the belief of purple Oompa Loompa. I am not purple Oompa Loompa person. Okay. I can’t believe I can say these words without getting tongue tied.
This is like a mad, a mad skill. I don’t know how I’m doing this. I’m actually really, you try to say that three times real quick. Purple Oompa Loompa. Purple Oompa Loompa. Purple Oompa Loompa. I can do it. It’s actually pretty fun. Try it. So this is not who I am, right? I am not my belief. I am she who holds this belief.
I am the ever present I am. Right. And one day I might not be a purple Oompa Loompa person. Shit. I might be a blue Oompa Loompa person one day. I might wake up 10 years from now and realize that purple Oompa Loompa ain’t the thing. I might be a blue one. I might be a green one one day. Right? Who knows? I don’t know. I’ve changed my mind about so many things in this world. So we don’t have to get attached to what we think is true either.
With God willing, you’re gonna grow outta some of the beliefs you hold. So we hold our own beliefs lightly. And when we are able to do this, we’re able to set our own beliefs set aside, listen to it from another person’s perspective, glean what we think is true there, really do it through the lens of curiosity, how is orange Oompa Loompa world perfect and right and true to her, to them.
It’s actually so relieving. It’s actually one of the most relaxing things you’ll ever do in the world is put down the weight of your own dogma to learn something from another human being right. Now, at the end of that experiment, you might be like, eh, everything about orange Oompa Loompa world is still absolute dog shit.
You might still think that, and that’s fine, but at least you now know that that is how you see it because you actually listened. You weren’t just reacting. You weren’t just on autopilot being, you know, what do they call those things? Non-player characters like just repeating your fricking programming over purple Oompa Loompa, purple Oompa Loompa. Now orange man, bad orange.
You know, we see this in politics all the time, right? Biden, trump, who cares, right? It’s no one’s listening. Why it’s so boring. No one’s actually having a conversation. People are just screaming at each other through their programming. Right. But the thing that we have to understand is we’re doing it too.
You’re doing it too. I’m doing it too. We’re always all doing it because it’s how the human system is hardwired. So it really takes an elevated level of consciousness to be able to do what I’m talking about. Okay. So that is it become curious about, in what way is this true for them through their lens?
You’re trying to put on, you know, orange Oompa Loompa glasses. Okay. At the end, you can pick your purple ones back up and put ’em on. No one’s asking you to change your mind. Right. But to develop the skill to be able to do that is really powerful.
Okay. So the fourth one is this, when you are sharing your truth back to a person, it is a profound, profound thing, and it goes, so it builds so much goodwill and it disarms the other person that you’re talking to. It does have the heavy lifting for you in terms of being able to connect to the other person, which is, say when you’re sharing your own opinion or you’re sharing your truth.
Say out loud. Look, I’m just sharing with you what I believe to be true for me. I’m not saying this is true for you. And hell, I’m not even really saying that I know that this is accurate. I’m just saying, I think this is what’s true right now. I might change my mind a week from today. I don’t know. I’m always willing to change my mind when new information or perspective is shared, which is why I wanna talk to you.
That’s why I wanna connect to you because you do disagree. Like maybe I’m gonna learn something. I don’t know. It’s gonna be pretty epic. And I really want you to share what you have to say, cuz I’m actually listening. So if you will begin when you share by just saying, look, I’m just sharing with you my perspective.
I’m not trying to convince you of anything. I just want you to know, like, this is where I’m at and this is why I believe what I believe. And because I’m a passionate person and I love to share and speak my truth. I’m probably gonna bring the heat when I do it. Like I’m gonna like freaking deliver.
I want you to know it’s not to convince you. It’s just I passionately believe this to be true. You know, maybe it’s even a hill you’re gonna die on. That’s fine. But if you just say that to the person like, look, look, look, I might be coming in hot and heavy with it. It’s not to convince you. It’s just I’m really passionate.
And also I want you to know that I totally respect your right to not agree with me. And I would love it. If you would share with me your perspective after I share with you mine. People will be like, oh my God, that was so refreshing. Right? So don’t be afraid to say that really say, I’m not asking you to agree with me.
I’m just asking you to listen. Right. As I am listening to. So I’m seeking to understand you, and I’m offering this to give you a chance to understand me too. And I really believe that you want to understand me because why else would you be in this conversation, right. Extend that good will, you know, really have that disarming approach. Have grace.
And it’s just amaz-, it’s so refreshing to experience that, isn’t it? And so this is an opportunity for you to give this to the person. Maybe that’s triggered you your whole life. Or the person that you’ve, you know, that you’re kind of turned off by are like, oh God, why do they believe that? That’s so stupid.
It’s like, I don’t know. Why do they believe it? Why are you assuming it’s stupid? Why don’t you go have a conversation with that person instead of assuming it’s stupid. So, you know, this reminds me of an experience I had. This was right after 9/11 here in America. I went to, it was in 2002. So it was like maybe a year after 9/11.
I went to England. I was in London, you know, visiting and they had a protest there. They were burning American flags and trampling on American flags there, you know, in London, you know, and it was a protest. And I just was like, wow, I can’t believe people are like burning the American flag. And, you know, it was a group of militants that, you know, were wanting to usher in Sharia law, you know, again with the religious stuff.
And I was like, wow, that’s really crazy. Like, I can’t believe they’re doing that. And I was really pissed off by it. Right. Of course it’s a year after 9/11. And so, the person I was with said, well, why don’t you go talk to them. And I was like, well, because that’s probably pretty dangerous. I am a female, you know, they’re militants.
Like this is probably not gonna work out well for me. So I was like, you know what, fuck it. I’m gonna go do it. So I walked over there and I had a conversation with this guy about his belief system, you know, about how women should have no rights. I mean, it was very draconian. Right. And I learned so much from that conversation.
I was like and he was like death to America, death to America. And I was like, but that, I was like, but America’s like me, dude, like I’m an American. And he’s like, yeah. Death to you too. And I’m like, so you’re, I actually said this to the guy. I was like, so you’re telling me right now that if you could get away with it, you would shoot me in the head, drag me in the back alley, shoot me in the head and leave me for dead.
Is that what you’re trying to say right now? That you think every American should be killed? Like help me understand this. And you should have seen the look on this guy’s face. He was like, I don’t think it had ever occurred to him that that’s what he was calling for, but when he had to see like the face of an American in front of him, trying to talk to him, trying to really learn, cuz I was like, help me understand like why you believe what you believe and help me understand about your religion. I was actually, I love religion. So learning about religion. So I was like super curious about, you know, his particular brand of Islam. So I was asking all those questions. Like it wasn’t just on what we disagree, I was genuinely engaging this guy. We talked for like 20 minutes.
But by the end of this conversation, I could see his face. He was like, he just, he didn’t respond. When I said that you’d pull me back in the alley and put a bullet in my head. And he was just like, he couldn’t say he would do it. So he went from all y’all should die to, I don’t know. And I said, well, hey, thank you so much. I appreciate your time. This has been so enlightening. I really appreciate you taking the time to talk to me today. You know, I’ve learned a lot and I put out my hand to shake this guy’s hand and he would not take my hand and I did not move my hand either. Cuz I was like, I wanna shake your hand.
So I kept it out and I was like, come on man, shake my hand. You know, I used humor, and he shook my hand. And then I left, but you know, it was absolutely incredible to have that conversation with him because I was trying to see it from his lens. Now it didn’t mean that I was passively sitting there agreeing with him.
You don’t ha-, I didn’t have to agree with him, but what I did have to do is say to him, I genuinely want to hear what you have to say. And I am desperately trying to understand, even though I completely think that this belief system is, but I am trying to see how it is you see it. Right. I don’t agree with you, you know, on mass killing people.
That’s probably not something that my moral code is cool with, but I want to hear how it is that you, a divine creature, right? We are all children of God. I wanna hear how you got here, man. Help me understand that. Right. So disarming, I’m telling you right now that approach will disarm anyone. Okay. Even, you know, a person who is a part of a militant, you know, terrorist group, basically, it even disarmed that person and you can connect in that common humanity.
Okay. So we’re rounding out our list here. Number five is own the fact that you do the same thing, man, we have to own the fact that more often than not, we’re probably engaging in the same habits that like piss us off in other people. Oh my God.
I know I do it like when I really believe something, I get going. Like it’s hard for me to not get into the convincing. My intellectual mind loves to argue. It loves to, you know, put together really well formulated arguments and, you know, find the logical fallacies in other people’s beliefs said, and then dismantle that using their own.
I mean, it’s just like awful. You know, my ex-husband is an engineer and he used to say, Heather, you’re worse at this than I am like and being able to dissect things like I really find that process to be enjoyable because it’s an aspect of how we discover, you know, deeper truth. But what I have learned is doing that to a person is maybe one of the most toxic things that you can do.
So we have to really own the fact that when we’re really being honest with ourselves, we engage in the same things that other, that annoy us with other people. So, and we can, again, blameless responsibility. It’s not about being upset. It’s not about judging ourselves. It’s not about that.
It’s just about realizing we’re all human and we all do it. And we’re all trying to learn how to be compassionate in our communication with other people. And our sixth tip here is train yourself. You’ve gotta train yourself emotionally to see disagreement, not as conflict, but as a person sharing a different perspective. In my interactions with my loved ones and with people with whom I disagree, what I realize now looking back on it is, and especially with my mom, I would say like, now that I look back on a lot of the interactions where I felt like she was disrespecting me or coming from me, or, you know, getting a jab in on me because I don’t believe that the way she believes now, I realize she wasn’t doing that at all.
Not even a little bit, she was just trying to share with me her perspective. I would share something and she’d be like, yeah, but, and then share her perspective and I’d be like, why are you? And she’d be like, really now when that exact same situation happens, because I have trained my brain to see it as, it’s not a disagreement, it’s not a person trying to argue.
It’s just a person in that exact moment contradicting what I just said, because they wanna share their own belief. They’re sharing their own belief. It happens to conflict with what I believe. So it looks like a quote unquote argument. It’s not an argument. They’re just sharing with you their perspective, right?
So again, a lot of this inability to compassionately speak our truth, it comes from the wound. Because in our past we were being come for. You know, people saying attacking you personally for the belief, but again, if the person you’re engaging with is doing that to you, that is on them. You don’t have to be offended by that.
You don’t have to feel like the person is attacking you. You can realize, you know what, this person is doing the best they can to connect with me. And at this present point in their evolution, the only thing they know how to do is contradict and constantly the minute that they encounter beliefs, a set of beliefs or an expression of truth, that does not align with what they believe, because they are so insecure in their belief.
And because they are so ego identified with their belief, they have to contradict it. They literally knee jerk have to come back at you and go. Yeah, no, but, and tell you the quote, their quote, unquote truth. They wanna shove their lens on you. It’s orange Oompa Loompa or else. Are you following me? So. If you can learn to see that you have to, and it’s an emotional response, right?
You have to train your emotional self to just be like, oh cool. This is just their best attempt at connecting. And it’s fricking adversarial, but I don’t have to view it as adversarial. So the image that you can put in your mind here is like, if a three year old is, you know, an hour and a half late for a nap and they try to kick you in the shins because they’re tired and they don’t have any, they have poor communication skills.
Are you threatened by that? Do you feel like that three year old is gonna end your life? Do you feel like that’s a challenge of any kind? You don’t, you laugh? It’s adorable. It’s the three year old is lashing out and trying to kick your shins. It’s adorable. Now it might be annoying, but you don’t feel threatened by it.
You don’t feel like you gotta go. Are you, what are you gonna do? Like. Drop kick the three year old across the, you know, ah. You’re gonna go kick the three year old back. Come on, man. Of course you wouldn’t, you’d be like, oh, that’s adorable. Little Johnny needs a nap. And it’s the same thing with this. So it’s about elevating our own responses and our own consciousness when we are trying to engage with people where we share our truth.
Okay. Now I’m gonna leave you with this on when you do offer your truth. Here is what we have to understand. And this is a big, big block that people have to this dialogue. We have to understand that just because you just because you are listening to another person and you’re not coming back and sharing your belief immediately.
Okay. I believe that orange Oompa Loompas are the one and only truth. Okay. When you it’s about breaking the need to come back and go, oh, that’s ridiculous. Like, just because you don’t go no it’s purple Oompa Loompa. Right. Just because you don’t come back and share your belief doesn’t mean you’re agreeing with them.
It doesn’t mean that you’re acquiescing. It doesn’t mean that you aren’t honoring yourself. It doesn’t mean that you aren’t speaking your truth. It means you’re fricking listening and you’re able to hold your own energy and that you don’t need to be validated and you don’t need to constantly have to interject into the conversation.
It’s actually you being above. The entire fray of the dualistic paradigm. It’s like, I don’t need to engage I’m above this shit. I know what I believe. I know what I think. I’m open to changing my mind and I don’t really need to share it constantly or have anybody validated. Right. I’m actually far better off when I shut up and like learn, you know. What do they say?
God gave you two ears and one mouth for a reason we’re supposed to listen twice as much as we talk. So I’ll leave you with that. You’re not being true to yourself because you let people pop off and say things you disagree with in your presence without responding. As a matter of fact, the sign that you are really maturing in your truth and that you aren’t ego identified with your beliefs and you are open minded about how you view the world, that your lens is clear and that you’re open, and can you possess the ability to put on multiple lenses? We can put on orange Oompa Loompa, a purple Oompa Loompa, a blue Oompa Loompa green. You name it, man. Give it to me. I can put it on. I can set my own stuff aside and see the world through your eyes.
What a gift that is right. The more we are able to do it, that is when you really transcend the world of duality and you start to see the common ground and you start, you can connect with anyone. You can connect with anyone. You can reach your hand out and say, I love you. I love you, even though we deeply disagree on this belief set.
I value you as a divine creation of God. So I will leave you with this. I want you to go through these six, tips. I’m gonna read ’em off to you again really quick. And then I want you to DM me on Instagram. You can find me at @heatheraliceshea, and let me know which one you are most excited to do.
So the first one is you’re gonna distinguish between the belief and the person holding the belief. The second thing is you’re gonna become curious about in what way the truth that that person is true is sharing with you is true for them not you. You’re gonna put on their lens, not yours. The third is when you’re sharing your truth, declare that you know, that it’s just true for you.
You’re not trying to convince them of anything. You’re just sharing your perspective. The fourth is release your need to be validated and understood. They don’t need to understand you in order to love you. They don’t need to validate you in order to give you a hug and embrace you as a brother or sister.
The fifth is own the fact that you do the same stuff. Okay. Take responsibility so you can work on yourself. And number six is train yourself to view disagreement, not as conflict, but just as the other person sharing their perspective. So that’s it for this episode. Go DM me over on Instagram. I would love to connect with you.
I’m putting on a lot of content over there, and I would love for you to be able to partake in all of the awesome stuff that I’m putting out over there. So anyway, ’til next time. Together, we rise.