Ep94: Commitment Over Confidence

Feb 21, 2022

So you open social media and you see coaches, healers, and entrepreneurs crushing it and showing so much confidence in their live streams and their reels. And you ask yourself, how do I become more confident? How can you share your vision with the people you want to serve?

In this episode, Heather shares the truth about confidence and why commitment is the key to becoming more confident. She will share what true confidence looks like and how she embraced her queenly confidence. Heather will also touch on being humble and why you need to stop thinking of what others think about you. She will also share the reason some people feel stuck and how to get over the feeling of being stuck.

Make sure you listen till the end and hear Heather’s story where she learned the power of confidence and the lessons she learned when she became committed to her own confidence.

Soul Stirring Quotes

“Confidence is a byproduct of doing it anyway. Confidence is a by-product of doing it scared. Confidence only comes after you jumped.”

“If you are waiting to feel confident before you start it, you will never begin ever, because that’s like saying you want water to feel dry.”

“Commitment is what will bring consistency, not confidence.”

“You can’t humiliate a person who is humble. They’re already in that space, they’re already humbled. “

“Your skill and your talent get married. And then you’re just unstoppable.”

“Commitment gets you through the trough.”

“When you get over through the trough, you are in the top 3%, 5% in the world who like don’t give up on themselves because shit wasn’t easy.”

“Get out there. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.”

“People want to see the real you and talent that you were born with and the skill you busted your ass through a commitment to bring it forward. “

“Just do it your way. There’s no pressure.”

Episode Timecodes:

  • 0:26 Heather shares why she wanted to talk about confidence and what notices in most coaches and healers when it comes to confidence.

  • 03:40 What is true confidence?

  • 05:11 How do we step into confidence through commitment?

  • 07:49 What does being humble look like?

  • 09:09 How Heather got over the hate and embodied her queenly confidence.

  • 12:20 Where do people get stuck and feel less confident? How can you get over the trough?

  • 14:20 Heather shares her story where she learned the power of confidence.

  • 20:35 Heather shares great wisdom on what people truly want to hear and see from you.

Links Mentioned:

Connect with Heather

Email: hello@heatheraliceshea.com

Timezone: America/New_York

Website: heatheraliceshea.com


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Episode Transcript:

Heather Alice: Welcome to the everyday intuitive podcast. I’m your host, Heather Alice Shea intuitive life coach trainer status quo, shaker and founder of atmana coaching academy. Listen in each week to break up with your comfort zone claim your self confidence and radically embrace your role as an intuitive healer mentor and sought after coach let’s get within and get after it.

Good morning. So today I wanna talk about confidence and I wanna talk about how we can have more of it. and I want to talk about some of the approaches that we’re taking to building confidence that I don’t think are very helpful, or maybe not as effective as they could otherwise be. So. As with anything in life, anytime you do something new, it’s scary, isn’t it.

And we don’t feel in our element. We don’t feel the fullness of ourself, I guess, would be a way to put it right. We don’t feel the fullness of ourself. We don’t feel in command. We don’t feel in authority. We don’t feel our own skillfulness when we try new things. And so of course, this applies to you as a new coach, right?

Especially as an intuitive coach, cuz that’s just like a whole other level that we are adding to the profession of coaching. So we don’t feel much of ourselves in it daily because it’s new. We’re like baby birds with, you know, wet wings, shaky legs. Right. Occasionally we’ll start with like beginner’s luck, right?

Sometimes if we try new things, we’ll knock it out of the park. First couple of times we try it and then we kind of, oh, I’m amazing at this. This feels great. Yay. And then boom, the lull, right? The crash that comes with it. So if you look at learning, like how learning happens for humans, that’s kind of how it looks.

You start something and it’s this lull and then boom, you have beginner’s luck and crash. You go back down and you’re in this trough. Oh, it sucks. This is called practice right here. so it goes like this boom and it just levels off. And then eventually it starts to go back up. Right. And this is our ascent to true mastery, where we begin to feel truly confident where we begin to feel truly able, where we begin to feel truly in our authority and our credibility and our expertise and the market can like, and know and trust us.

So we want this ascent. Yes. We want to feel this part, right. We wanna feel this part at the. And so what we do is we say to ourselves, well, I need to feel more confident if I could just feel confident, I’d be able to get this lift. I’d be able to make that Facebook post I’d be able to tell my friends I’m an intuitive, I’d be able to offer my services in a bold way.

I’d finally get consistent with my marketing and my selling. I’d finally say yes to the type of coaching I really wanna do. I would integrate. The type of intuitive work I want to build, I would talk about the things I wanna talk about in my YouTube show or on my podcast or whatever, or I’d finally launch my podcast, right?

If I was just confident enough, here’s the problem. Confidence is a byproduct of doing it. Anyway. Confidence is a byproduct of doing it. Scared confidence only comes after you jump. Because here’s the truth. You can’t fake real confidence. And not to say that you’re trying to fake it. I’m trying to help you understand what it’s like on the other side of doing the thing day after day after, day after day.

So what you see in the coaching industry, and this is true across just learning how humans learn and grow and evolve anyway. But of course, applying it to our industry. What you see. Is a bunch of brilliant, beautiful, talented heart filled. Amazing. Well-intentioned beautiful souls who are called to this work who want to help other people and who could do it, who can absolutely make it happen?

No question, but they’re waiting around to go big and to go all in and to just do the damn thing because they don’t feel confident. The number one issue is confidence. People think or people think it’s confidence, but here is what I’m here to tell you. You will never feel confident until rep 20. You will not.

If you are waiting to feel confident before you start it, you will never begin ever, because that’s like saying you want water to feel dry. You want the sunlight to feel cold. That’s not the natural order. How we step into confidence. Is through commitment. It’s commitment. You’re looking for. It’s not confidence.

Commitment is what will get you over the hump and get you going. Commitment is what will bring consistency, not confidence. So everyone is waiting. You see what I’m getting at? And it’s not our fault. Let me tell you something. This monster . This little gremlin will come for you. No matter what stage you’re at, it’s not even like a beginner thing.

It’s just, this is just anytime you’re leveling up. So how do we have a different relationship with this? So how do we change it? What I’m offering to you is it’s commitment that you’re after it’s are you committed to the process? Are you committed to being visible? Are you committed to giving your message to the world?

Are you committed to this? And from the place of commitment, when you feel that resistance, let’s say you sit down and you’re like, in my Facebook group, I’m gonna start doing lives every week, or I’m gonna do a podcast a week, whatever it is that you’re doing to be visible and to offer the world your work, which is this thing that we call marketing.

So. Whatever that is when you’re sitting there and the resistance hits and the fear hits do not try to feel confident cuz you’re not going to be able to. What we’re after is are you commit? How committed are you? Are you willing to do it scared? Are you willing to do it afraid? Are you willing to do it?

Even if you fall down and have egg on your face, are you willing to be humiliated? Rejected, which is just another form of humiliation, social shame. None of us wanna look like a fool. None of us wanna look like we don’t know what we’re talking about. None of us wanna do a live where nobody shows up. None of us wanna launch a podcast where we feel like people aren’t listening.

None of us wanna be humiliated. It confirms way too much of the fear we have felt and validates a lot of our past experiences. Now doesn’t. But you have to be willing to risk it and to develop thick skin. So that your purpose and your commitment to your craft and to the work that you are bringing forward with spirit means more to you than anything you could face on the other side of your action, whether it’s humiliation, whether it’s victory or defeat.

I wanna tell you really quick, something about being humiliated. The truly humble cannot be humiliated. If you are a humble person, you will not worry about what people think of you, because worrying about what people think of you is false pride. It’s not pretty, but it’s the truth. If you are worried about what people think of you, it is false pride.

It’s I don’t wanna be rejected. I don’t wanna be humiliated. I don’t want people to think bad things about me. It’s all ego. It’s all pride. Make a fool of me. Go ahead. You can’t humiliate a person who is humble. They’re already in that space. They’re already humble. They’re already on their knees. So ask yourself that question.

What part of your ego is needing to be propped up by the opinions of other people and what lies about yourself are attached to that? Because I am here to tell you right now, you do not need these people’s good opinion. You do not. You do not need their approval. You do not need them to think you’re smart, brilliant, talented, capable, whatever it is.

That that hole inside you is telling you, you need to hear, you don’t need it. You really don’t. But how I know you don’t need it and how I know I don’t need it is because I stood up day after day after day speaking my truth, having people talk shit about me, say horrible things about me. And then realizing when as the hate is just, you know, like your hate all that’s coming at you.

And by hate, I don’t mean real hate, you know what I mean? Just the snark, the shade, right. As this is coming at me and it’s just here it comes. Okay. The wave of judgment, shame, rejection, humiliation, and displeasure. I’ve been running from my whole life here. It comes. Crashing on me like a wave and you know, how it felt in that moment.

Do you know what I felt? I was relieved. I was so relieved to finally just be doing it to finally just fucking get it over with. Oh, you’re judging me. Ooh, I’m so hurt by it. Like it’s such a drama. That we have built up in our mind. I was relieved. I was like, oh fucking, here we go. Great. It was nothing compared to what I had built up in my mind, but I’ll tell you what else happened too?

I realized I don’t give a shit. What you think I’m a queen. Like until I was allowed to feel that come at me, I had no clue that there was this whole persona inside of me. That was like, I don’t really care what you think. I’m not here for you clearly. Like I’m not here to serve you. You’re not my people.

And I don’t even really care. It’s a weird feeling. It’s like, I, don’t not like you, but I also don’t. I just don’t care about you. Like the opposite of love. Isn’t hate. It’s ind. I was just indifferent to it. I’m like whatever, the buzzing of flies, like, okay, go get the trash takes itself out. I don’t care.

You know, PS, people who have like are up to doing things in their lives, they do not spend their time throwing shade and snark on the internet to people who are trying to make the world better. But I never would’ve figured out that I had that queenly confidence and I really do mean it is like, my mom has it too.

It’s so weird to watch her. There’s just like this energy of like, do you really think I give a shit, but you’re never gonna know. You’re never gonna have that happen. You’re never gonna see it invoked in you. If you don’t give it a go. If you don’t give yourself a chance to get out there. Hit this up. This is like a hint at your potential, by the way, when you try it and you’re like, oh my God, I’m really good at this.

That is hinting at something really huge, which is your God-given potential coming into form, coming into be made manifest. Now it drops down. It does because this is called practice and dedication skill. This is talent. Happens. Naturally skill is banging on your craft until it goes up like this. It marries with your talent, by the way, your skill and your talent get married.

And then you’re just unstoppable. Right? So where we’re getting stuck. Is either we just don’t get started even enough to feel ourselves, or we feel ourselves here. And when it drops, which is something that has to happen, that’s very, very normal. We think, oh my God, I’m failing. I’m not good at this. And then you quit in the trough and this is where 95% of the people die.

By the way they just quit. I’m not confident. Maybe I’m not cut out for this. No, you’re learning. You’re becoming a master, right? Look at the shallow and monks, how hard they trained, you’re becoming a master. And if you can make it through this trough, what gets you through the trough commitment? If you can make it through this trough, dude, you are in the 5%, the top five, top 3% in the world who like don’t give up on themselves because shit wasn’t easy.

But once you get out of this, what happens in this trough? If you’ll pay attention, Is you start to see how amazing, how amazing you are and you find yourself in this Merk, right? You find yourself down here and you’re like, holy cow, I’m doing it. I’m discovering myself in this trough. I’m deep within my own.

Consciousness my own, making my own potential, my own skill, my own, all of this I’m building. And I’m making myself in concert with spirit. You’re giving yourself a real chance. So you are born into this work called to it by birth, talented from the moments you hit the grid. So you are one part born, but the other part made.

So you will be born to the work, but you will make yourself in it as well. And that comes from commitment and the confidence comes after. So I’m gonna tell you guys a quick story. I’ve told it before, when I was a little kid, I grew up riding horses. I grew up in the country. I like, from the time I was two years old, like my dad would put me on horses.

And we had a farm. I grew up on a farm. So my dad got me a pony when I was real little, you know, cause you can’t ride like a 15, 16 hand horse when you’re, you know, five, but so he got me a pony, but when I was like 12, I started riding the big horses, 15, 16 hand, huge horses. Okay. Even when I was 12 and I never rode with saddles, by the way, saddles were for people who cannot ride horses.

So we rode bare back. I would climb a tree and I had my favorite trees in the. I was so little and I couldn’t get up on the horse by myself. So I would have to rope the horse on a tree, climb a tree, and then jump down on my horse. Okay. So I was 12 years old when I started riding the big horses. So my favorite horse was pepper, but my dad got this other horse from a rescue.

This horse’s name was Congo. Okay. This damn thing was bat shit crazy. It came from an abused home and my dad wouldn’t let me ride Congo for the longest time. But then I was like, I, I wanna ride Congo. So my dad. So I took ’em down at the end of this road. And, but, you know, horses are when you ride ’em when they turn back home, they get ants.

They really wanna run fast. They’ll start to walk faster. Well, Congo decided that Congo was gonna do what Congo wants to do despite what little 12 pound Heather wants to have done. Okay. Or 12 year old Heather wants to have done. Oh, but no, I was riding Congo with a saddle this time. That’s right. Cuz my dad made me ride Congo with a saddle cuz he was scared.

He’d throw me if I was bare bat. So I was riding in the saddle, which I wasn’t used to, but we turned home and this horse takes off you guys. I’m talking out. Of control out of control. Now I was already nervous to ride him, cuz my dad was saying, Heather, this horse is a handful. You’re gonna have to be on your PS and QS.

I was like, okay, you know, put me on, I got this, you know, let me do it. So this horse takes off and it’s running back home and I’m pulling on the bit to get the horse to stop. Pulling pulling, pulling. And every time I pulled for the horse to stop, it ran faster. That horse was pissed at me for trying to get it to stop.

It was angry. Like I could feel it and not only it wasn’t running for my home, it was running for the pasture of my neighbor’s house who had horses over there. So the horse wanted to go to my neighbor’s house and there were all of these ditches that we had to jump. Anyway, the horses out of control were running outta control.

I’m like, I’m about to die. Like I was so terrified. Okay, Congo’s run this way to go over to the neighbor’s house. And there are fences. There is a fence, two of them before you get to this pasture. And I know that that’s where this horse is going. I’m like, we’re about to die on this fence, cuz this animal is outta control and I can’t stop it.

I see my dad over here in the yard over this way. I see him as soon as I see him, I cream dad. I, to hoping he could help me. I can’t stop him. I can’t stop. And daddy I’m on the bit. I am pulling this damn thing. And my dad just starts nonchalantly walking across the yard, not running, not trying to save me nothing, not trying to save me.

Just nonchalantly, walking across the yard. Like not a problem in the. He’ll get there when he gets there. So we’re barreling down on this damn fence and I’m like, I have got to stop this fricking horse. I don’t know how I’m gonna stop it. I am pulling with all my might. I don’t know what I’m gonna do, but I am going to die or I could be seriously injured cuz it was Bob wire the whole nine.

Yeah. If I don’t stop this horse. So all of a sudden I hear a voice in my, like I knew instantly what I had to. I pushed myself up in the saddle and I grabbed way down by almost by the bit the mouth of the horse as I could get. And I grabbed the reins and I put my heels in the saddle and then I pushed back and literally with all my body weight heels in the strip pulling on this fricking horse to stop.

I mean, just with every ounce of my being, I was pulling all these rains and it stopped. We stopped the horse’s chest was on that fence. I’m hysterical. And my dad gets over and I’m just so angry. I’m like you, dad, you didn’t do anything to help me, blah blah. Read him the riot rack. And he looks at me and he told me two things in that moment, the first thing he said, Heather, I had every confidence in you.

He’s like, I knew you were gonna stop that horse. I knew it. Not every confidence in you. And then he had this wink. He would do. He looked at me cuz I was so upset and he winked at me and he goes, Well, now we know what you’re made of don’t we . He goes now, now, you know what you’re made of don’t you he’s like, you know, you can stop that horse, you know, that you can do it, you know, that you can ride even the craziest bat shit horse.

You got it. Other don’t doubt yourself. That’s confidence. I was confident as a writer. Not because I believed in myself, but because when the shit hit the fan, I was in the game and I made it happen. And you only get that through commitment. when it’s down to the wireman. I was committed that last time when I pulled my heels, like, Ugh, I was committed.

Heart, mind, body, soul, spirit, energy, everything, thoughts, beliefs, emotions, actions, all in alignment, committed. That’s what gives you confidence and here’s, what’s even more wild about this story. You guys, my sister, Cindy got thrown off of a horse when she was 15 and died of brain damage. When I was three and my father sat in a hospital room and took her off life support and held her hands while she suffocated for 30 minutes from a horse accident.

My dad was all in with helping me be a strong, committed, confident woman. And he let me ride that horse because he knew that I had to be made, born and made, and he wasn’t gonna Rob me of my chance to do it, even though it took his first child’s life. So get out there, man. You’ve got nothing to lose.

Nothing. And everything to gain everything, to gain by going all in everything, to gain by giving yourself permission, to just have fun out there, to talk about the things you want to talk about, to bring forward a vision for people, people wanna vision. That’s what they wanna hear. They wanna see you. The real you.

The talent that you were born with and the skill you busted your ass through commitment to bring forward. And I know it’s why you’re here. I know that is why you’re here. So I want you today to spend a little bit of time asking yourself about the level of commitment you have to this work. And I know that it’s high, but what we’re not doing is we’re not taught to look there.

You already have everything you need. You are already committed. You are already all in and then from there, just do it your way. Just do it your way too. It can look like, however you want it to look. There’s no pressure. You don’t have to like, oh, go crazy with it. Right. Set it up at a cadence that works for you.

Okay. Do it when you’re ready, but do it. Not ready, cuz you’re confident, but ready because it’s time. It’s time for you to do it. Okay. So that’s my message for you today. I love you guys. Together we rice. That is a wrap for today’s show. Thank you from the bottom of my feels for showing up today in your power and in your willingness to let your intuitive self lead.

And if you are still working your way to your first 50 to 100 K in your coaching practice, I have two incredible free resource. To help you fast pass this process. The first is to join our free and fun Facebook group. The atmana intuitive coach collective, where myself and our atmana instructors do free trainings every week.

To help you turn your obstacles into opportunities with each and every step you. So that you can begin to achieve success on your own terms and finally make the money that you know, you deserve. So if you’re interested in joining our group, just pop onto Facebook and you can search bar atmana intuitive coach collective, and we will pop up or you can check our show notes.

For a link. And the second resource is a V I P ticket to our next upcoming five day workshop experience. Live your purpose, launch your practice, where you are going to learn four keys to claiming your intuitive confidence calling in clients with authenticity and integrity. And then you’re gonna create your very first or one of many.

Signature programs that help you sell your services with ease and grace. That also helps you go high ticket. So head on over to Heatheraliceshea.com/intuitive coach launch to get your V I P ticket, or you can check the show notes where you can get your hot little hands on a link to both the Facebook group and the five day work.

Until next time I see you. I love you together. We rise.