Ep96: Breaking Trauma Responses By Standing Up For Yourself

Mar 7, 2022

Have you ever been in a situation where your rights, properties, or boundaries are being blatantly disrespected and abused? How did you respond? What were the first thoughts you had on how you should respond?

In this episode, Heather shares her experience with people who stole and disrespected her intellectual property, and how she reacted to it. She will share why you need to stand up for yourself and give a firm “NO” to people who disrespect you. Heather will talk about how abusers see themselves and how standing up for yourself is the most helpful thing you can do for them. She will also talk about fawning and how this trauma response work.

This short and powerful podcast is filled with wisdom, truth, and tough love, perfect for you who need to know that standing up for yourself is never mean and does not make you a bad person.

Episode Timecodes:

  • 0:26 Heather asks a powerful question and shares her personal experience with responding to her abuser and standing up for herself.

  • 01:25 How do abusers see themselves versus how they see you when you stop them from abusing you.

  • 03:51 How do you respond when your rights, property, boundaries, or sovereignty are violated?

  • 05:01 Why do you need to stand up for yourself when you are disrespected?

  • 06:37 What is fawning and why should you be aware of this trauma response

Links Mentioned:

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Connect with Heather

Email: hello@heatheraliceshea.com

Timezone: America/New_York

Website: heatheraliceshea.com


The Atmana Intuitive Coach Collective

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Episode Transcript:

Welcome to the everyday intuitive podcast. I’m your host, Heather Alice Shea intuitive life coach trainer status quo, shaker and founder of Atmana Coaching Academy. Listen in each week to break up with your comfort zone claim your self confidence and radically embrace your role as an intuitive healer mentor and sought after coach let’s get within and get after it.

Do you identify with your abuser? I have noticed that in the spiritual community, people have this strange response to being mistreated, to being abused, to being screwed over it’s oh my goodness. You hurt me. Let me be really, really, really nice to you when I try to check you on it. So I have had to experience recently where people have, I mean, just undeniably egregiously.

Stolen my intellectual property. I mean, just clear, blatant and fragrant. And when I call these people out on it, they accuse me of being mean spirited, a bully, you know, just coming for them when I have proven and can prove irrefutably that these people are stealing from me. Isn’t that interesting that when you stand up for yourself, you do it in a forceful manner, right?

You. With firm boundaries, you don’t make it nice or easy for them to hear you. Don’t sugarcoat it. You just say to them, you are stealing my property. And if you do not stop, I will Sue you. And when they don’t stop, you Sue them somehow, that makes you the bad guy that you don’t indulge in making excuses for them, that you don’t make it.

Okay. For them to hurt you. And so that is one of the signs that I know that you’re being abused is that abusers always make themselves the victim. Abusers are always self obsessed. They lack the ability to see their own wrongdoing, even in the face of irrefutable evidence. Now while we can’t control what they do, what we can do is control our own responses.

And we can break the abuse cycle by standing up for ourselves and disengaging from the need, which you have probably been trained since childhood to placate to make up for, to apologize for, to try to make it easy for these people to. Get away with it or face up to it. Right. So I noticed in myself, in dealing with these two individuals, my response was, oh, I’m gonna shoot ’em a loom video and tell ’em, oh, I’m so sorry I have to do this.

But. You know, I noticed that you stole my website copy, and I noticed that you, oh, I don’t know, stole my entire program. And you know, if you could just please, you know, not do that again and just, you know, let’s be friends. Let’s be nice to each other about this. If you could just please stop. That would be great.

What, why is that my initial reaction? To overgive to be over. Nice. No, I don’t have to be nice to people who are fucking me over and neither do you, neither do you. You don’t have to be nice. You don’t have to be kind. It isn’t being mean to stand up for yourself and to not do it, you know, with your tail between your legs.

No ferociously stand up and say, you are wrong. This is bad. You will stop. Or I will stop you period. We don’t have to put up with it. It’s a trauma response from our childhood. This is why we stay silent. This is why we don’t stand up for ourselves. So watch and notice in yourself when you know something is wrong and your rights, your person, your sovereignty, your individuality, your property, your boundaries.

When these things are being violated, you do not have to respond with USY gushy, all sunshine and rainbow. No, you are not a bad person for being force full for acting with force, with power, you are allowed to do that. You actually have a moral, spiritual, and ethical obligation to stand up for yourself in that manner.

Think about it like this, would you let your child be treated like this? Would you tell your own child or your best friend to just lay down and take it or make excuses or try to make it nice for that person or easy for that person to hear? Of course you wouldn’t. You would be like, fuck them. There’s nothing spiritual about letting people shit on you.

There’s nothing soulful about allowing yourself to be disrespected. And the people who do this kind of stuff, they do it because they get away with it. That’s the reason why this world’s the way that it is that we’re in the state we’re in is bad people or misguided people, or just assholes get to ride rough shot.

And nobody calls ’em out. Nobody draws a line in the sand and says, you’re not gonna do this to me. Oh, you think stealing content online is easy and nobody can do anything about it. Yeah. Say hello to my lawyer. Say hello to my lawyer. You’re not gonna do it to me. And I’m gonna be the one person who’s gonna draw a line in the sand and teach your sorry, ass a lesson today.

You’re welcome. Hope you have a good attorney. And here’s what I know. They’ll never steal for me again because I stand up for myself. But it’s interesting to watch their response. Their narcissistic response is, oh, you’re rude. Oh, you’re mean all because I refuse to allow myself to be abused and I noticed my trauma response from childhood.

So instead of sending the really nice touchy, feely, uey, gooey, oh, we’re all in this together. Spiritual, whatever. No hell no. I sent her a cease desist with screenshots of where she stole my content and I told her she has a week to change it. And if she doesn’t, she will hear from my lawyer, she owes me an apology.

Stand up for yourself. Notice your trauma responses. Notice how you placate and feel responsible for fawning. This is actually called a fond response in psychology. You’ve heard of fight or flight. Well, there’s two other responses, fond or freeze, and this is a fond response. It’s where you have to be nice to people that hurt you.

Daddy’s drunk again. Ooh, let’s be nice. So he doesn’t hit me right from childhood. So I noticed that in myself, not that my dad, that is not an analogy from my life, by the way. But notice in yourself, why examine and look at and become aware of how you make it easy for people to fuck you over, because that’s why you keep getting fucked over.

You make it easy for people to fuck you over because when you were a kid, that’s how you had to survive, but no more, the most spiritual thing you can do for them and for you, the most aligned thing you can do for them and for you, the most helpful thing you can do for them. And for. Is to call ’em on it so that they can grow and learn to stop hurting other people.

Get out there, stand up for yourself. You got this together. We rise. That is a wrap for today’s show. Thank you from the bottom of my feels for showing up today in your power and in your willingness to let your intuitive self lead. And if you are still working your way to your first 50 to 100 K in your coaching practice, I have two incredible free resource.

To help you fast pass this process. The first is to join our free and fun Facebook group. The atmana intuitive coach collective, where myself and our atmana instructors do free trainings every week. To help you turn your obstacles into opportunities with each and every step you take. So that you can begin to achieve success on your own terms and finally make the money that you know, you deserve.

So if you’re interested in joining our group, just pop onto Facebook and you can search bar atmana intuitive coach collective, and we will pop up. Or you can check our show notes for a link. And the second resource is a V I P ticket to our next upcoming five day workshop experience. Live your purpose, launch your practice, where you are going to learn four keys to claiming your intuitive confidence.

Calling in clients with authenticity and integrity. And then you’re gonna create your very first or one of many signature programs that help you sell your services with ease and grace. That also helps you go high ticket. So head on over to Heatheraliceshea.com/intuitive. Launch to get your V I P ticket, or you can check the show notes where you can get your hot little hands on a link to both the Facebook group and the five day workshop until next time I see you.

I love you together. We rise.